You Practically Rock

My New Years Gift To You (But mostly to the 17 year old who’s letting me DJ his Party.)

So, apparently someone read – what he called “my cry for help” – and is letting me Deejay his New Year’s party in his parent’s basement. It’s gonna be crazy awesome.

Get ready BOYZ I'mma gonna make this new years the best!

Get ready BOYZ I'mma gonna make this new years the best!

I mean, I’ve already picked out what I’m going to wear – white shirt with something witty written in Helvetica, my super tight jeans, black converse sneakers that I’ve aged with steel wool and red wayfarers. I’ve been practicing what my face is going to look like as I scroll through my mac book looking for the next perfect song to blend seamlessly. Of course, I didn’t realize that it was going to be that hard to ‘perform’ and ‘be on’ as well as deejay, so I decided to preplan my ‘playlist.’

I’ve chosen a wide variety of club-bangers, party starters, power anthems, chill-out tunes and hype remixes that will give the appearance of being effortlessly hip and
relevant. But then I realized that you guys were probably just going to listen to City and Color and Dave Matthews and not reach your full party potential, so I’m giving you guys the chance to experience Pete the audio new years experience.

I go classy people, classy like Clark Gable. Here’s the playlist:

This is my arsenal as a soldier in the Barrie DEEJAY wars.

This is my arsenal as a soldier in the Barrie DEEJAY wars.

Click here to download 2.2 Hrs of Club-bangers!

Look at that list.. those kids (..and you the downloader) are totally lucky. Look at some of the placement – Use Somebody, the most ambitious power anthem that will soon grace the meaningful end scene of one of your favourite teen-based tv shows’ mid-season finale – while it begins with Animal Collective’s slow burning chanter ‘My Girl.’ I’m soo looking forward to seeing the looks on their faces as they realize that I’m shaping their musical tastes.

He actually asked me to buy him booze first, but then I said only if I could deejay his shindig.

He actually asked me to buy him booze first, but then I said only if I could deejay his shindig. Oh, he said Yessss

I’m not getting paid for this, instead they said I could keep whatever change is left over

from the money they give me to pick them up alcohol, Though I’ll totally end up spending it on some energy drink infused with vodka; even though it gives me horrible diarrheas and makes me black out – it’s better than having coke farts


This Is My Jam: Architecture in Helsinki – That Beep
December 30, 2008, 4:52 am
Filed under: This Is My Jam | Tags: , , ,

If I was still a twelve year old girl I’d hang out in the schoolyard with my fly girl pep squad and we’d sparkle motion up a sweet ass choreographed dance routine to this jam

That’s for real.

You’re welcome world.

In the New Year Everyday will be “Be Nice to Gargoyles Day”
December 30, 2008, 2:37 am
Filed under: Comic Books, Panel a Day | Tags: , , , , ,
Even large men made of Stone can cry manly tears.

Even large men made of Stone can cry manly tears.

Sometimes I’m really a sensitive person. This is one of those times.

This is the form my depression takes.

Taken From:

Melodrama.. wow, what a cover.

Melodrama.. wow, what a cover.

Fantastic Four #51 (June, 1966)

Written by Stan Lee

Drawn by Jack “The King” Kirby

Why My Heart Grew Ten Sizes This Morning
December 29, 2008, 7:36 am
Filed under: Love Making, MP3s | Tags: , , , , , ,

I’ve been pretty depressed lying on a couch in tight gray track pants trying to come to terms that I’m not hip or happening and would never make it as a DJ ’cause I’m not dating a lesbian or the son of the guy who owns Mandarin. I was in the middle of deciding whether to take a bath with a toaster or eating a gun when I decided to choose a song to play over and over while I killed myself – Like Ian Curtis or the kid who played a song from BLINK 182’s (Miss U so much) meaningful period, when I saw the list of my itunes 30 recently played!

"The Playlist that made me realize that I'm still hip and relevant."

Submitted for the approval of the midnite society I call this: "The Playlist that made me realize that I'm still hip and relevant."

That’s when I realized I was hip and happening and that if I so choose I could totally just put my iTunes on shuffle and I would be an amazing DJ!

Thank you Lord!

Wherein I discuss Comic Books, Coke and Energy.. kind of.
We dress like this for work every other day to keep things FRESH.

We dress like this for work every other day to keep things FRESH.

I work at a comic book store that’s super amazing because they let me sleep in the backroom when I’m too messed off of my anti-depressants to venture outside for fear of pooping my pants, but also because I get to read comics all day long and learn about what would happen to me if my really rich parents were to have been killed by a mugger after watching Antonio Banderes’ Mask of Zorro, or if I was a super powered immigrant from a war torn planet (Poland maybe?) raised by kindly white bread american folks, who would urge me to hide my ethnic powers except when I wear a very flamboyant costume.

Any way, there’s a lot to like about comics, mostly it’s the way that they make me feel like there are heroes in this world who wear capes (unlike my cousin Reggie who wears a cape to the beach because he’s ashamed of his Bacne) and that sometimes having a black and white view of the world is a good thing.

I think a lot about Batman, probably more than I or any person should. I know everything about him – everything, Hell Grant Morrison’s Batman run has been completely readeable and understandeable to me. But the truth is he is not my favourite super hero. Nope, not even close.

No my favourite Superhero is Mister Miracle: Super Escape Artist.1616068850_b9eb108223_o

That’s right. Perhaps the craziest thing that Jack Kirby ever created. (which when taking into account that this guy created most of the Marvel Universe, something called Devil Dinosaur, Kamandi the Last boy and my personally favourite: OMAC.)

Okay, so here’s the deal with Scott Free (aka Mister Miracle) – He’s the son of a New God, who traded him to another New G

.....for real ...this is an actual panel.

.....for real ...this is an actual panel.

od (an evil one named Darkseid) so that there planets could have a shakey if not totally reasonable peace agreement. Scott was raised in a Dicken’s like Orphanage called the Armaghetto and was brutally beaten up every day. He then escaped to earth (thereby triggering an end to the cease fire) and became a Super Escape Artist using the skills and equipment he picked up on his freaky torture planet. Oh, and his father-figure is a Dwarf named Oberon and he’s married to a Butchy Amazonian chick named Big Barda who wields something crazy phallic known to her as the ‘Mega-rod’ …and she’s the leader of an elite group of lesbian commando’s known as “The Female Furies.”

The best part is? I’m totally not even close to being jokey or sarcastic.

God I love comics.

So yeah, I’m totally into Mr. Miracle ’cause he’s insanely crazy and each issue basically follows the same story progression; we start with him about to practice a crazy escape that means sure death, something happens, everyone stands around for a few panels being angry that he died then he reveals that he didn’t – he escaped using crazy machinery that Kirby draws the shit out of, then he’s kidnapped by some reject from his old planet who has a crazy named like Vermin Vundabar, Doktor Bedlam, Kanto, Madame Evil Eyez, Supreme Magnificence, etc.. and instead of shooting him in the face and ending it, they put him in an escape proof trap.. which he escapes and yeah, that’s the ending.


It’s awesome.

mISS u!!!?!?!!!?!!?!?!

mISS u!!!?!?!!!?!!?!?!

Every panel is draw with a crazy amount of energy that if Hipsters could bottle it, it would could replace the vancancy left by the banning of Sparks and Coke (Coke Farts are making the Girl Talk concerts a lot less fun for me to go too.. for real.)

Hurray For Christmas!
December 25, 2008, 12:45 am
Filed under: Ballsack, Love Making | Tags: ,

Christmas is pretty much the most special time of year. It’s the one time that people touch me without slapping cuffs on me or pushing me up against a cold wall in a dark alley and making me feel like the first couple minutes of a Law & Order SVU episode.

I’m really glad that I get to spend Christmas with my family this year as before they wouldn’t let me in because they ‘weren’t ready to forgive me.’ But this year since I passed my blood and urine tests and I’m specially monitored by a nice court-ordered Jewish fellow who doesn’t mind spending the day amongst – what he called –  ‘goys’ – I’m treated to awesome comments like: “Yes, it is quite cold” and “That’s great that you got rid of that horrible cyst removed from your eyelid.”

Merry Christmas friends of friends.

Merry Christmas Me! (Wherein I stalk Lily Allen and the future_
December 23, 2008, 11:32 pm
Filed under: Love Making | Tags: , , , ,

Lilly Allen is totally my dream girl

Lilly Allen is totally my dream girl

I want to date Lily Allen, I’ve probably told you this before because I’ll tell anyone who listens that she’s the right kind of ‘fucked-up‘ – the kind of girl who would totally snort coke all night and then get mad at me for not doing it and then sleep with my best friend to get back at me, even though i wasn’t angry at all… she’s so perfect.

I want her to have my miscarriage. Seriously, she’s totally the girl for me; if we dated people would constantly be awkward around me and feel bad because they totally saw on TMZ that she got finger banged by the dude from Twilight, they won’t tell me though, ’cause they’ll see how happy I am just being with her, listening to her write pseudo-cheerful songs about getting herpes and me believing that she actually got it from a toilet seat.

We’re going to be together forever.

Stalk U

Man, abortions are actually very pretty...

Man, abortions are actually very pretty...