You Practically Rock


Emotional Waffles
December 21, 2008, 8:35 am
Filed under: Ballsack, Love Making | Tags: ,

I’m a really sensitive guy. People can usually find me crying tears for the plight of humanity. I really ‘get’ what people are going through, because I totally emphasize with them – you know?

I often find myself being the center to ‘Magnolia’ type situations that happen all around me. Sometimes in the middle of the six degrees of misery porn that happens all around me, I try to be that eye in the hurricane of humorlessness.
This is why I invented Emotional Waffles.

Because I’m a really good person that birds braid my long thick hair in the morning while anthropomorphic chipmunks help me squeeze into my skinny jeans – I try to share a little bit of joy with those less fortunate. This means, that I take the bad stuff and turn it into something better.

Emotional Waffles are filled with not just the main ingredients you need to make waffles, but also tears and bitterness. (we also add vanilla, ’cause no one likes bitter tasting waffles.) we then eat the waffles and feel better about ourselves. (except of course whoever got dumped; ’cause they’re still alone.)

Emotional Waffles are quite good. here is the recipe.

1 3/4 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 cups of virgin’s tears
1/2 teaspoon salt
a pinch of the hair of the individual who dumped you
1 tablespoon sugar
3 eggs
1 3/4 cup of ballsack sweat.
7 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 1/2 cupsof Ugandan breast milk

mix the dry ingredients seperate then combine. let batter sit while you smoke cigarettes, listen to BOYZ II MEN and drink bourbon straight and play Russian Roulette and musical chairs to Monica’s hit jam: “Just one of those days”

You’re welcome world..

xoxo

Your boy,

Pete

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