You Practically Rock

Wherein I talk about my Aborted Mister Miracle TV Show

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the mid-1980s and try to pitch a Mister Miracle TV series. Just imagine how great it would be – Mister Miracle (Scott Free) teaching his young adopted street smart ‘Black Child’ Shilo Norman life lessons along with his Amazonian wife Big Barda and his cantankerous Dwarf Father Figure Oberon, while at the same time escaping from traps sprung on him by a variety of Granny Goodness’ minions from the Armaghetto.

Mike and The Mechanics would totally provide the theme song. (and in one episode would appear when young Shilo participates in a little telephone contest, is suddenly the lucky winner of a couple Mike and The Mechanic concert tickets. Unfortunately, with three eager family members and only one extra ticket, the stress of choosing someone may be too much for this 12-year-old to handle—so Shilo gives up his ticket and tells Shilo and Barda to go. Both won`t accept it and neither will Shilo. So while they were arguing about who would keep the ticket , Oberon answers the phone and it turns out to be Mike and the Mechanics. They all race to the door to see if it really was them. Then the invite them to sing at the stage with them. The family happily accepts and all is fun. But then Baron Bedlam shows up and sets up a trap but they all escape.)

Dude, seriously… I’ve got twenty seven episodes written here, you might as well call the series “Emmy Time”

(I may or may not have stolen this idea from Full House.)


So, Batman’s dead.
January 15, 2009, 5:24 pm
Filed under: Comic Books | Tags: , , , , , ,
Good Night Sweet Prince

Good Night Sweet Prince

So, Batman’s dead.

Frank Quitely's Variant Cover to All Star Batman and Robin #10

This is huge as I spend far too much time thinking about Batman. (for real son, I actually once wrote a treatment for a Bruce Wayne miniseries called “Bruce Wayne: Journey Into Knight, that basically filled in the blanks on where he recieved his training from.)

He’ll be back of course. It’s comics and no one ever really dies in comics.

Plus, Batman is not exactly a legacy superhero. You can’t pass the trauma of having your parents killed in front of you onto someone else. Not unless you’re fucking insane and crazy. (For the record Tim Drake only heard his Dad get killed.. totally different.)

Hopefully when Grant Morrison returns to Batman in a few months he’ll be writing Bruce Wayne as Batman again. (Especially since he’s apparently bringing with him Frank Quitely to draw the book, and everyone knows that those two bring the best out of each other. See basically anything they’ve worked on, especially All-Star Superman) and the idea of the two of them teaming up on Batman is the best news since I heard since JH Williams III did the three issue arc Club of Heroes two years ago.

Any way. yeah, so Batman’s dead. He died stopping the Final Crisis by shooting Darkseid with a bullet that goes back in time. It was fucking awesome, and when he got zapped by the omega beams he just seemed non plussed about it, letting out a trademark: “Hnnh” type annoyed grunt.  Here’s the pages for your viewing enjoyment.

Batman Dead? Batman... dying...

Batman Dead? Batman... dying...

Okay.. no not really..  here’s the panels.



So, yeah.

Oh, also: FYI. I think this is the first post that I haven’t made like horribly stupid remarks in, so In honor of that here’s a picture of Anna Nicole Smith Totally nude:

Nudity increase how many hits i get. Thanks Internets!

Nudity increase how many hits i get. Thanks Internets!

In the New Year Everyday will be “Be Nice to Gargoyles Day”
December 30, 2008, 2:37 am
Filed under: Comic Books, Panel a Day | Tags: , , , , ,
Even large men made of Stone can cry manly tears.

Even large men made of Stone can cry manly tears.

Sometimes I’m really a sensitive person. This is one of those times.

This is the form my depression takes.

Taken From:

Melodrama.. wow, what a cover.

Melodrama.. wow, what a cover.

Fantastic Four #51 (June, 1966)

Written by Stan Lee

Drawn by Jack “The King” Kirby

Wherein I discuss Comic Books, Coke and Energy.. kind of.
We dress like this for work every other day to keep things FRESH.

We dress like this for work every other day to keep things FRESH.

I work at a comic book store that’s super amazing because they let me sleep in the backroom when I’m too messed off of my anti-depressants to venture outside for fear of pooping my pants, but also because I get to read comics all day long and learn about what would happen to me if my really rich parents were to have been killed by a mugger after watching Antonio Banderes’ Mask of Zorro, or if I was a super powered immigrant from a war torn planet (Poland maybe?) raised by kindly white bread american folks, who would urge me to hide my ethnic powers except when I wear a very flamboyant costume.

Any way, there’s a lot to like about comics, mostly it’s the way that they make me feel like there are heroes in this world who wear capes (unlike my cousin Reggie who wears a cape to the beach because he’s ashamed of his Bacne) and that sometimes having a black and white view of the world is a good thing.

I think a lot about Batman, probably more than I or any person should. I know everything about him – everything, Hell Grant Morrison’s Batman run has been completely readeable and understandeable to me. But the truth is he is not my favourite super hero. Nope, not even close.

No my favourite Superhero is Mister Miracle: Super Escape Artist.1616068850_b9eb108223_o

That’s right. Perhaps the craziest thing that Jack Kirby ever created. (which when taking into account that this guy created most of the Marvel Universe, something called Devil Dinosaur, Kamandi the Last boy and my personally favourite: OMAC.)

Okay, so here’s the deal with Scott Free (aka Mister Miracle) – He’s the son of a New God, who traded him to another New G

.....for real ...this is an actual panel.

.....for real ...this is an actual panel.

od (an evil one named Darkseid) so that there planets could have a shakey if not totally reasonable peace agreement. Scott was raised in a Dicken’s like Orphanage called the Armaghetto and was brutally beaten up every day. He then escaped to earth (thereby triggering an end to the cease fire) and became a Super Escape Artist using the skills and equipment he picked up on his freaky torture planet. Oh, and his father-figure is a Dwarf named Oberon and he’s married to a Butchy Amazonian chick named Big Barda who wields something crazy phallic known to her as the ‘Mega-rod’ …and she’s the leader of an elite group of lesbian commando’s known as “The Female Furies.”

The best part is? I’m totally not even close to being jokey or sarcastic.

God I love comics.

So yeah, I’m totally into Mr. Miracle ’cause he’s insanely crazy and each issue basically follows the same story progression; we start with him about to practice a crazy escape that means sure death, something happens, everyone stands around for a few panels being angry that he died then he reveals that he didn’t – he escaped using crazy machinery that Kirby draws the shit out of, then he’s kidnapped by some reject from his old planet who has a crazy named like Vermin Vundabar, Doktor Bedlam, Kanto, Madame Evil Eyez, Supreme Magnificence, etc.. and instead of shooting him in the face and ending it, they put him in an escape proof trap.. which he escapes and yeah, that’s the ending.


It’s awesome.

mISS u!!!?!?!!!?!!?!?!

mISS u!!!?!?!!!?!!?!?!

Every panel is draw with a crazy amount of energy that if Hipsters could bottle it, it would could replace the vancancy left by the banning of Sparks and Coke (Coke Farts are making the Girl Talk concerts a lot less fun for me to go too.. for real.)